In June of 1972, Paper Mache Bear did not break into the DNC headquarters in Washington to steal information on his rival party.
In June of 2007, Paper Mache Bear was not arrested in a Minnesota airport for soliciting sex from a stranger in a public bathroom.
In June of 2009, Paper Mache Bear did not disappear for a week, telling the press that he was hiking the Appalachian trail while he was actually absconding to Argentina to bed a 43-year-old divorcee while his wife knew nothing of his whereabouts. Paper Mache Bear doesn't even have a wife.
Paper Mache Bear is mounted regally on a wall, without the ability to move himself this way or that; so Paper Mache Bear does not get involved in political scandals.
It has also been pointed out (cite: Linacre College CR Pres. Rob Shearer, 2009) that Paper Mache Bear's lack of genitals (which is not to say lack of fortitude) makes it difficult for him to chase after Argentinian women, at least not with any realistic expectation of coital engagement. One might also add that PMB's lack of genitals is a function of his lack of torso, and not any semblance of testosterone deficiency, his testosterone levels being wholly on par with those typical of a thing made of paper mache.
Whereas most politicians are too brainless to avoid scandal-worthy behavior, which quite obviously undermines democratic governance along with whatever popular confidence that underwrites such governance, Paper Mache Bear is too brainless to enter into scandal, his literal absence of brain being the limiting factor that confers his ironic superiority. A supporter of traditional definitions of (sentient) politicians might condemn this as a straw-man argument; but of course this argument has far more to do with scarecrow. Without going through the trouble of unpacking the finer differences between these two kinds of anthropomorphic farm aid (to say nothing of their relation to the urso-pomorphic), suffice it to say that Paper Mache Bear is without a brain, yet not without an acute intelligence that has been there all along. There is precedent for brainless things delivering superior knowledge, viz:
[Scarecrow: I haven't got a brain...only straw.
Dorothy: How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
Scarecrow: I don't know. But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they?]
And by "some people" Scarecrow means members of U.S. Congress. As Mark Twain suggested, "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
Unfortunately, there is no precedent for the inverse scenario (in relation to Paper Mache Bear): deficiently-brained human politicians offering sincere acknowledgment of their shocking stupidity. There are no nuggets of insight to be had on this stock phenomenon; only talking points. And bromides. But I repeat myself.
Paper Mach Bear is thus shown to overachieve without a brain, exceeding in merit, valor, wit, intelligence, sagacity, and sensibility all of his cerebrally-endowed competitors.
Paper Mache Bear Issue 2 thus concludes with Paper Mache Bear Maxim 2: The presence of a central nervous system does not necessitate the presence of a backbone.
