Paper Mache Bear has on record from a RoboCop poster that hangs near him in his Presidential Room that in the year 2015 the Statue of Liberty will detonate, destroying all of America. A crime-fighting cyborg, RoboCop naturally has the expertise and experience in such relevant fields as espionage, electrical engineering, and ballistics; and so when RoboCop claims that the exploding Statue de la Liberté is a Trojan Horse of sorts, planted by the French in the late 19th century as a surreptitious plot to destroy America, we surely ought to listen.
Or should we?
The circumstantial evidence lines up: the statue did indeed come from France, and the French, an irony-loving people if ever there were such a people (indeed there are such a people, the French), would indulge in that proclivity and dub this weapon of mass destruction a symbol "of liberty." Further, 2015 is several years into the future, events of the future being things that we in the present can neither confirm nor deny. Additionally, the statue is located near New York City, a renowned metonym for the American financial-industrial complex, and an infamous target of infamous terrorists. And lastly (but perhaps more worthy of being firstly), the statue of liberty is chalk full of nuclear warheads (cite: RoboCop, 2009).
We may take each of these statements individually as factual, beyond which we may devise a means of connecting these individual facts with tenuous lines in order to form something of an arc of knowledge, or a definitive plot, whose climax is the realization that the Statue of Liberty will blow up in 2015, ending America once and for all, to the resounding appreciation of all the world (especially the French masterminds), and finding its dénouement (yes, dénouement is a French word)in a future event which at present can neither be proven nor falsified.
Indeed, we have seen this kind of production before (and here I am not referencing the false insinuation of nuclear warheads...at least not intentionally). Sarah Palin, recent author of "truly one of the most substantive policy books" (cite: Rush Limbaugh, 2009), has suggested that at some point in the future, after health care reform, the Federal government would murder her mentally disabled child. Seeing as the United States reserves the power to hold capital executions, and many of those executed have barely more ability to speak coherently for themselves in the court of law than a child, and Sarah Palin already has a reputation for "going rogue," and Barack Obama is a Maoist who has been known to exterminate children (cite: RoboCop, 2009), and, once again, none of us knows what will happen in the future, ex-governor Palin's accusations are wholly plausible.
Or is it?
I mean, or are they?
Paper Mache Bear understands that in political climates in which there are no standards for any claim to truth or falsity, the politician who can wrangle the largest population of supporting idiots can win the day. Paper Mache Bear rejects this conjecture as an insult to his potential constituents, and vows therefore to hold himself accountable for truth-claims, and to robustly expose the errant statements of the likes of RoboCop.
Paper Mache Bear Issue 1 thus concludes with Paper Mache Bear Maxim 1: cyborgs are full of transistors...and shit.
