This is foremost a blog about ideas, even when I'm doing food reviews. Maybe especially when I'm doing food reviews. So below you will not find pornographic images of food, a slapdash bio of a chef or restauranteur, or anything like that. I'm going to tell you what I think a burger should be, and why Black & Orange in DC gets closer to this ideal than any other burger joint, bar, or restaurant I've ever been to.
Prior to Black & Orange my burger standard was the now-widespread Five Guys. Five Guys makes a great burger because it follows all the important laws of what a great burger should be. First, it's greasy and melty, such that the juices and grease from the meat and the surface it was cooked on commingle with the melted cheese (a burger must have cheese). Second, the meat patties and the bun are relatively thin, giving the burger a good balance of meat to bread to other ingredients. Third, these burgers don't take themselves too seriously; they don't come with quinoa and creme fraiche or two whole avocados.
Where burgers go wrong, in my view, is by hopping on the "gourmet" burger train. You know a "gourmet" burger well, because they're (unfortunately) the standard at bars and restaurants: a huge, thick patty that might as well be a giant meatball placed gently between two halves of an oversized roll, optionally topped with some kind of bleu cheese crumble, soggy bacon, avocado, any number of obscure ingredients, practically a whole onion and a whole tomato, piled high to the point at which you have to eat it with a fork and knife because you can't really fit it in your mouth to take a bite.
Other variations on the "gourmet" burger include some kind of "special" "Angus" beef, a "steak" burger, or even a Kobe beef burger. The misguided people who make you these things are effectively catering to the fat, middle-aged businessman who wants a steak in a bun because he has no taste, and feels guilty ordering another steak this week.
But if you want Kobe beef, order a steak! A burger is a sandwich, after all; not a gourmet meal. It's not supposed to have the thickness of a cut of prime rib, nor be as lean as a filet, nor as decoratively dressed as a circus performer.
Black & Orange is everything a burger should be, and, crucially, none of what it shouldn't be. For starters, the meat is perfectly seasoned (the "Square One" is seasoned simply with salt and pepper, and it's *fantastic*). The patty isn't paper thin--a little less than a half-inch--so it doesn't become a physical challenge to take a bite. And when you do take a bite, you're guaranteed to get an optimal balance of well seasoned beef, bun, choice of melted cheese, and consistently (amazingly so) fresh tomato, onion, and lettuce. The bun itself is medium density, such that it doesn't disintegrate from the grease and juices from the burger, but doesn't overwhelm the other ingredients either. And unlike the better greasy burger chains like Five Guys, Black & Orange will actually cook your burger to order, striking 'medium' with perfect accuracy. If there's any hint of "gourmet" to this burger, the well-cooked patty that remains juicy from first to last bite is it; but otherwise we're talking about a burger that stands on the simple, aesthetic strength of its perfect proportions, consistently fine preparation, and crisp veggies.
You will want to get one of these burgers, even before I tell you that the fries are double-fried and crispy, everything a fry should be as well...
